In Brief
There were nine nominations this year. Some of the self nominated ones were the result of their email. This is not an excuse to avoid email. It is just coincidence. The presenter saw something more than the writer had intended. All good stuff! Adult party goers voted on the presentations by Alan. It was very close run with one vote more for WhereSpecs over Crown Jewels
Pikehand of the year Nominations 2018
There follows the nominees and their titles:-- Bryan --- Communing with nature --- from an email
- Neil --- Self inflicted
- Nick --- Persistant Paddy --- self submitted
- Cameron --- Crown Jewels
- Bob --- WhereSpecs --- self submitted
- Miranda --- Extravagant calculated dining
- George --- Pain threshhold
- Rebeca --- Dry humour
- Anna --- Know your partner
Bryan --- Communing with nature --- By Alan
Hi Alan
Before emailing you, I went outside to check on my newts as you do.
I was lying there on the ground looking at them with my trusty torch and could see that there were 5 newts in various positions in the water together with a couple of snails and slugs enjoying a drink.
I was enjoying the moment when a young mouse appeared next to me. He had a quick look around and then had a long drink taking no notice of me next to him.
When he had had enough he just quickly scampered away and appeared unbothered by the life around him.
I smiled and returned to looking at the newts only to see two frogs who bobbed up in the water and looked at me with a look that suggested 'Where is David Attenborough when you need him?!!'
Neil --- Self inflicted --- By Bob
The nominee had been invited to a mid-week family wedding. All the details were on the invitation card. He and his wife agreed to attend even though the venue was some distance away. On the day, leaving adequate time for delays, he was passenger whilst his wife drove. After a while his wife asked him if he’d brought the invitation with him. Confidently he informed her that he knew exactly where the venue was as he used to live in the area. Traffic began to build and delays mounted due largely to road works. They arrived later than they expected but still in time. He rushed to reception and asked where the wedding was. The receptionist replied, “What wedding?” He gave the names of bride and groom too which she notified him that there was no such event at this venue. Back in the car his ever resourceful wife calmly telephone her son who was working a short distance from her house and requested he went quickly there to find the invitation. Around half an hour later he phoned with the wedding venue address. Her desperate husband set the satnav and they were off to the far side of the town. Arrived hour and half late.
Nick --- Persistant Paddy --- By Nick
‘I know I shouldn’t nominate myself but I’d like to share my exciting news with the Family’ Nick
On 26th March 2016 Pat and Nick’s flight from Seville was delayed by 6 hours.
They qualified for 400 euros each, compensation.
After a considerable amount of e mails, threats, support from the Spanish Aviation Authority, the backing of EU Legislation and a strategy of e mail carpet bombing, signs of submission appeared.
As the monies were to be paid in euros Nick arranged for the money to be paid into Andrews German bank account to avoid any loss on conversion.
On 21st August 2018, 800 euros were paid into Andrews account
………from………RYANAIR.
Never again………………..He’d rather walk
Cameron --- Crown Jewels --- By Anya
This is the email from Catherine to which Anya replied ‘Now that’s a Pikehand nomination!!!!!’
I think some of you know, but just to confirm that our little "girl" turned out to be a little boy!
He arrived on Tuesday 3rd July at 11.10am weighing in at 7lbs 8. As you can imagine it was a bit of a shock! When Michael clapped eyes on the unexpected "crown jewels" his response was "So how does that work then?!" meanwhile I just thought I was tripping from the anaesthesia!
Anyway, what a lovely shock he is and after a couple of days rethinking names, we've called him Cameron Maxwell Turner. He is the apple of our eye!!
Bob --- WhereSpec --- By Bob
Building Regulations are amended regularly so modern communities are free of a mass of television aerials, telephone and electricity cables and external stench pipes cluttering the roof tops. Today these services are discretely underground or neatly combined within the building fabric. This nominee lives in a modern chalet bungalow. An upstairs en suite at bed time sometimes strongly smelled of sewers. The nominee decided to investigate the cause. He cut an aperture into the space above the toilet sewer finding the smell did not emanate from there. After affecting repairs he decided to explore in the very restricted insulated loft space. No sewer stench pipe was visible from the hatch. Suitably clothed with mask, torch, gloves, tape measure and pockets full of sealing tape he struggled in. Crawling laboriously on hands and knees he progressed slowly forward. Frequently his hips wedged in the rafters but at the twelfth rafter he found an open stench pipe 60cm short of the atmosphere vent. Turning around was impossible. By touch he reversed out to the hatch. He’d have to lie on his back to make the vent connection so leaving the equipment at the location. Lying on short boards he laid a track over the joists. However the boards raised him 50mm prevented him from rolling over. Reversing on his stomach he returned to the hatch. Armed with all the safety gear, lead light and coupling materials, on his back, he inched to the fault. The mask clouded his glasses. He removed it and with other things placed it on the ceiling boards whilst he effected the connection. He inched his way back to the hatch, turned over and inched back in again. He gathered together tools and equipment placing them on the board and began the return journey stacking boards and replacing the insulation as he returned. At the hatch he took the equipment and boards down individually, “BUT,” his glasses were not there. Now very exhausted, reluctantly, with the lead light, he made the arduous journey back into the loft folding the insulation back, supported on joists, hands and knees to the work point. A thorough search failed to find his glasses. Angry at his loss he reversed unfolding the insulation as he went. About half way back he suddenly realised he was wearing them! "2018 Scroll"
Miranda --- Extravagant Calculate Dining --- By Jeff
On a recent holiday this family member on visiting a local restaurant
asked the waiter about the local lobster dish which was on the menu at a reasonable 14 euros. The waiter replied that the lobster was charged by weight with a minimum of 6 times the menu price.
This family member licking her lips said that would be fine. This is
when her quick mathematician husband immediately stopped the waiter in his tracks and said that his wife was crazy and she isn't going to have a £80 dish, even on holiday!!
George --- Pain Threshold --- By Claire
On July 14th, the nominee was involved in a leisure activity. [Go kart racing.]
As is his nature he was giving his all and was keen to overtake. Straining to respond to his demands to take the corner tighter the steering wheel rebelled and kicked back catching, trapping and bashing the nominees hand in the process. Pain ensued but never mind the race had to be won. This Pike's hand was like a football. Photographic evidence is available for the non-squeamish to view and go Owwwww.
Damage was immediately apparent to all by the rapid and extensive swelling. A visit to the hospital was encouraged, but the pain wasn't too bad so with ice and time and Ibuprofen all would be well. A make do splint on the affected joints and it could be business as usual for this busy person who had places to go, people to see and things to do.
Two weeks later he happened to be on a plane sat next to a doctor who specialised in sports injuries.
"Let me take a look at that, looks nasty, I am a sports doctor"
The handed was duly lifted and within seconds of the impromptu examination the diagnosis given, uuhhhhh fractured! Get to the hospital!
So the nominee did, a week later! X-ray, also available for view, confirmed a fracture. Fortunately it was not a complete disaster it was healing in line but will be thickened for a good while and time would indeed be a good healer. Soft tissue damage difficult to check put hopefully ligaments and tendons will have survived. Finger Exercises were prescribed. The doctor at A&E was very surprised the nominee had not presented at hospital earlier and enquired as to the reason.
The answer. "I thought a broken hand would hurt more!"
For pain threshold Piking. George.
Handy Man
Anna --- Know Your Partner --- By Nick
How well do we know our partners?
At the airport on their way to Poland Anna went off to get essential supplies before the flight, Magazines, water, sweets, etc.
She came back with all the required goodies and handed Graham a copy of the Spectator.
Why have you given me this? He asked.
Well you always get a copy when we fly.
No dear I get Private Eye
Ask Graham how much the Spectator costs
Beci --- Dry Humour --- By Rich
Pat and Nick are known for their love of cooking and good food.
They are prepared to experience tastes from all over the world.
Returning from her holiday in Japan, Rebecca brought Pat and Nick back some local food, dried fish, for them to taste.
As she handed them the package she said “The cooking instructions are on the packet“
