THE ASTOUNDING BITTLEBAT RULES

By ---- Bob ---- Cambridge 1983 ---- Updated from Pike Archive 2016

PIKE STYLE NOMENCLATURE:-

Pidel:- (Pitch:- app. circular outdoor area about 50m diameter)
Bittle:- (Wicket:- app. 1.5m high when set with board app. 0.3m square attached at top)
Stonk:- (Crease:- in front of the Bittle)
Paddle:- (Hand or Bat:- app. table tennis size with handle shorter than a squash racquet)
Noggin:- (Ball:- soft and a little bigger than a standard tennis ball)
Tossa:- (Team:- comprising Shafts and Prats max 10 per Tossa.)
Shaft:- (Bowler:- one Tossa Sheaf who stands behind opposing Stonk)
Bint:- (Toss:- the act of bowling the Noggin)
Glump:- (Foul:- Shaft not in Stonk when he Bints the Noggin he is Pollocked)
Prat:- (Person:- defending the Bittle stands behind opposing Stonk)
Fag:- (Run:- Prat hits opposing Bittle with Paddle after hitting Noggin, value one to Prat's total)
Figel:- (MultiRuns:- Prat hits another opposing Bittle before Nurgled)
Nurgled:- (Out:- Noggin hits Bittle by Bint, caught by Sheaf, hits Bittle when Prat not in Stonk)
Sod:- (Deduction:- 5 Fags off a Prat's score when he is Nurgled)
Mamet:- (Deduction:- 3 Fags off Prat if he loses the Noggin)
Sheaf:- (Fielder:- member of team trying to dismiss the Prat)
Stooly:- (Innings:- lasts until the Prat is Nurgled or retires)
Pollock:- (Addition:- 4 Fags added to Prat's score if Noggin lost by Shaft or Sheaf)

Bittlebat was first mentioned in the Doomsday Book as, "Bit El Bat." It is a flexible competitive game, much declined, which was originally played by women. In its current form it can be played by children, adults or general mix of either sexes of adults and children. It can be a Tossa against a Prat who is a member of that Tossa or Tossas competing against each other. How the Tossas are constructed is dependent upon the extent of the group of competitors. Spectators are welcomed to voice their feelings.

Somewhere about central in the Pidel two Bittles are set sixteen paces apart. A Stonk is marked in front of each Bittle ten paces from the opposite Bittle.

One of the Tossas become Sheafs on the Pidel together to Nurgle all the Prats. Each Sheaf becomes a Shaft who has five Bints. When his turn ends and another Sheaf becomes a Shaft with five Bints. When all Tossa Sheafs have Shafted all their Bints they begin their Shafting round again until all Prats have been Nurgled or retired. At which point Tossa Sheafs become Prats and Tossa Prats become Sheafs. The Shaft can Bint the Noggin in any way he prefers from within the Stonk at his Bittle. However he should aim at the Prat's Bittle in order to Nurgle him. If the Shaft or any of his Sheafs lose the Noggin they get a Glump and the Prat shouts, "Pollock on." The Prat at the Bittle gains four Fags. If any Sheaf or Shaft catches the Noggin from a Prat's strike before it touches the Pidel he shouts, "Sod off," because the Prat is Nurgled.

A Tossa Prat's Stooly in the Pidel lasts until all Sheafs have been Shafts or he is Nurgled. If Nurgled his Stooly ends with a shout of, "Sod off." If his Stooly lasts through the Bints of all Tossa Shafts he keeps his Sod, retires and another Prat's Stooly begins. This process continues until all Prats are Nurgled or retired. At this point the sum of all Prat Fags completes the Tossa's bag of Fags.

A Prat's objective is to accumulate as many Fags as possible during his Stooly. To gain a Fag the Prat must first strike the Noggin then run to and strike the opposite Bittle with the Paddle. A Prat can gain Figel Fags from a single strike if he continues running between and striking opposite Bittles. He is Nurgled at any time whilst not within either Stonk even if not Binted and receives a, "Sod off" cry. Any Fags he could have scored with the strike are lost. Play starts again from the Bittle where the Prat made the last Fag. Should a Prat lose the Noggin he is Glumped and Sheafs shout, "Mamet off." A Prat can get minus Fags if Nurgled early before he has any Fags or loses the Noggin early in his Stooly.

When the last Fag is gained, Noggins Binted and both Tossas have amassed their total Fags taking into account all Sods, Mamets and Pollocks results are compared. There is a winning Tossa but after all that Binting and Fagging they have weak knees and smoker's cough.

The flexibility of the rules allows for changes dependent upon the number of contestants, number of ends, their sensitivity, their language, etc. When originally played at Cambridge Pikehand weekend in 1983 Pikes played with these rules.