PIKEHAND AMATEUR DRAMATIC SOCIETY (PADS)
What we were to do ---- By Ray/Dave ---- South Benfleet 1978 ---- Pike Archive
Pikehands are to write a short play to be performed by them on Saturday evening. The play should be as humorous as possible. Remember that a lot of humour can be achieved by casting Pikes in unlikely roles. Each play must have five characters in it including yourself. Each play should last for about five minutes.
The plays will be judged by the two Pikes not involved in your play. The play awarded the most points will earn a prise. The cleanest play presented by the PADS will be re-titled, "The Sanitary Pad."
You may bring with you any bits of costume or props that you need for your actors. One copy of the script should be sent to Ray by MARCH 18th so that they can be dupilcated. Plays should be accompanied with a cast list and a description of characters. eg. Bob will play, Elisa, the shy young West Country Milk Maid. It is hoped that everyone will co-operate with this to add to the normal hysteria of the weekend.
YOUR TITLE IS:- (provided by Ray/Dave and different for each Playwright.)
YOUR ACTORS ARE:- Yourself and four actors (selected by Ray/Dave.)
(Titles may be loosely interpreted but any problems contact Ray)
Example Play ---- from Pike Archive ---- "What's the Score" or "Night with the Lads"
"The Sanitary PAD"
- CAST:-
- Nick ------ Himself, but slightly thick! ((NfN)) Normal for Nick
- Bryan ----- Barman
- Graham ---- Himself
- Dave ------ Himself
- Alan ------ Himself
- SETTING:-
- A bar. Nick enters. All other Pikes are chatting at the bar with the barman. All have nearly empty glasses.
ACTION
NICK --- (puts hand in pocket) --- Hallo lads,can I buy you a drink?
ALAN --- (somewhat surprised) --- Of course you can!! What's the occasion?
NICK --- (still seaching for his wallet) --- I've just been promoted!
GRAHAM --- Congrats mate. What's the job?
NICK --- (still seaching for his wallet) --- Chief tea boy. I's a terrific responsibility you know.
ALAN --- I can well imagine. People are most particular about their tea these days. 'ere what about this beer you were buying? I'm empty.
NICK --- (still seaching for his wallet) --- What are you all having? Got that Bry? Set them up. Oh!! Blimey. I've forgotten my wallet. Do you take Access mate?
Bryan --- I do but don't tell anybody. That's £2.35 please.
NICK --- Oh!! Crap!
DAVE --- Now your talking. What's brown and sounds like a bell? --- (silence) --- DUNG. Get it? Good eh? --- (all laughing)
NICK --- Do you know that only yesterday this bloke asks for two sugars on even number days and three sugars on odd numbered days. It gets very confusing.
BRYAN --- Are you going to pay for this beer, or do I get nasty?
GRAHAM --- I'd pay up Nick, nasty is a big fee.
NICK --- I'd smack his nuts in if he came near me. Can anybody lend me the money?
ALAN --- All right, I'll give you the money, but only at 15% interest per day.
NICK --- (falling backwards and gasping) --- My boy, vot are are you trying to do, make me vaid Valerie's houskeeping. She made me give her 2p to pay for the phone call to see if I was alright.
ALAN --- What about 20% then?
NICK --- All right then. It's nice to know one has friends. --- (Alan hands over the money)
GRAHAM --- 'ere. I rang up Ray the other day and he actually answered the phone.
DAVE --- Never.
NICK --- (as Dave finishes) --- And then there was this bloke who wanted four sugars on Mondays, none for two days and then 13/4 on Thursday and Friday.
ALAN --- How many teas do you make?
NICK --- 250 cups a day mate. Can you imagine the amount of tea we get through? It's enough to send you potty. You don't get any thanks. Even had to take a drop in wages, and what with the union dues.
DAVE --- What union's that? The T.U.C?
GRAHAM --- So who do you work for Nick?
NICK --- The Abbey National mate.
GRAHAM --- Do you know that if you were an Australian you'd probably work for the Abbo National. --- (much laughter)
GRAHAM --- Man United play today.
DAVE --- Who against?
GRAHAM --- Carls lile.
DAVE --- What's the score?
All --- "Nil Nil, Who To!!" --- (much laughter.)
ALAN --- Who's round is it? I'm empty again.
BRYAN --- Have these on the the house.
NICK --- Can't we stay in the bar? It's cold outside and anyway I don'y like heights.
--- (all drink beer. Barman pours out the drinks and everybody says cheers.)
GRAHAM --- I've got to do the chores tomorrow.
DAVE --- What chores.
GRAHAM --- Just a light ale please Dave.
DAVE --- It's going to be one of those nights, I can see that. Might as well get a round in while I'm at it. Barman, drinks all round.
BRYAN --- What's it going to be lads? ---(getting drinks and putting away the empties)
ALL --- (raising their glasses) --- Cheers.
ALAN --- We were discussing Herzburg yesterday.
BRYAN --- Sorry, I don't have that here. Got Kronenburg. Will that do?
ALAN --- Twit!! No seriously, do you know that the dissatisfiers are those things Herzburg defines as extrinsic, or surrounding the job. They contain the tangible, after the fact payoffs which have always been considered by management as the proper rewards. As a source of motivation they operate in an essentially negative fashion, that is, if satisfied they do not demotivate, but merely produce a neutral situation. On the other hand, if not satisfied up to some point that the recipient considers equitable, they are a source of negative motivation.
NICK --- Sorry Al?
ALAN --- Never mind.
BRYAN --- Your last orders please. Come on now gentlemen your last orders.
ALAN --- Does anybody want another drink?
GRAHAM --- Too much Al. I'll have one for the road.
ALAN --- You know what they say about drinking and driving, don't you?
GRAHAM --- But I'm not driving.
ALAN --- (gets drinks in for those who want them) --- That's where my argument falls to the ground.
DAVE --- Nice place this, what's it called?
BRYAN --- Cock and Bull mate.
ALL --- That's what we thought.
Link to weekend at South Benfleet 1.