THREE TASKS DEFINED ----from Pike Archive ---- By Ray
OWBINAIRKID ---- Dudley 1990
OWBINAIRKID --- This phrase is mistakenly thought by many people to be a simple greeting. In fact it is a code widely used in the West Midlands.
An "AIR KID" is a member of the Flying Squad of the West Midlands Police Force. Each of their air kids have access to punishment cells used to extort confessions and the middle pages of statements. These torture chambers are known as "OUCH HOUSES" or more commonly "OW BINS." So when a west Midlands Constable says "OWBINAIRKID" it is more than just a greeting. Sophisticated and Intellectual policemen double bluff this code and imply it with the simple prefix phrase of "HULLO" ----- often repeated three times.
In the south a similar code is used when two policemen meet. One says "How's tricks?" to which the other should reply not "OK" but "DIRTY." Doesn't our penal system have some strange ways?
WHAT HAPPENS TO A RACING DOG IF SOMEONE DOES WHIPPET ---- Dudley 1990
"RACING DOG WHIPPING" ---- is quite different from race horse whipping which is done by a jockey with a riding crop. They do this to make the horse go faster. It is entirely unnecessary with dogs as they really believe that if they run fast enough they'll get to Roger the little bunny rabbit.
"DOG WHIPPING" is akin to "KIDNAPPING." This happens a lot to goats. It is called "DOG WHIPPING" rather than greyhoung napping as this is easily confused with falling asleep on a long distance bus.
There was a famous case in North London of cross bred greyhounds being stolen from the home of a prominent Conservative M.P. He was of course angered by this and the next days papers carried the headline "TORY WHIP CROSS ABOUT WHIPPS CROSS CROSS - WHIPPET WHIPPING." The local police said the case was getting curiouser and curiouser but they would continue to hound the villain.
WHAT IS AN ITALIAN JOB ---- Dudley 1990
In the Black Country an Italian job is to be employed as an ice cream saleman. Henry Entwhistle is perhaps the most famous ---- known by the local Iti's as Mario Siffle. Harry Entwhistle owes his prowess with the vanilla scoop to his father who started the business having emigrated from the Adriatic shores to Dudley after losing his money trying to set up the first ever Venice Marathon road race. Only Duncan Foodhew entered. (To commemorate this event the Orient Express Train was re-named after Harry's dad the Venice Simpleton Express).
In dudley they soon made their mark as Ice Cream Salesmen. When Harry took over the business he honoured his father by naming the firm Harry Entwhistle And Dad. Their ice cream was so good they were soon known as Kings of the Dudley Ice Cream circuit. Harry coined the slogan "Dudley Ice Cream Kings Harry Entwhistle And Dad" Their vans are everywhere emblazoned with "Lick One!" and the slogan initials.
Link to Weekend at Dudley